Have you ever felt the pressure of should? I should clean the bathroom, I should go get groceries, I should work longer hours to help alleviate the pressure on others, I should… I should.. I should.
I have lived my life in shoulds, and never feeling like I’ve done enough and always believing I should have done more. There is that should again. Should. What a seemingly inconsequential word but it has such an impact on our psyche. I’ve come to realize how much of my day-to-day life has been living in the should world – and never feeling like I’ve done enough. I could never do enough to live up to the expectations of the should.
Over the past few months I’ve experienced burnout from work – and maybe from my ‘normal’ life as well. It’s been a journey and a realization that I am allowed to take up space. I can speak my truth. I can own who I am and what I want – and I am not responsible for other people’s response to that. It hasn’t been easy. It’s been a process. I realized today I can give myself permission. I can give myself permission to sit on the patio and have a glass of wine after repotting my herbs. I can create this – my first blog – and feel joy in doing so. Permission granted.
This is about exploring. Accepting and honouring who I am and what I want and recognizing that I am allowed. I can state and live what I want. How others react to that is on them. Not on me. It is freeing. It’s been a long and tough road to separate myself from carrying the burden of others and making sure everyone else was okay and always putting my wants and needs last. Today, I gave myself permission. And you know what? It feels fanfreakingtastic.
So when you are weighed down by the shoulds – which is really others’ expectations that you have assumed as part of what is ‘right’ – stop, reflect and ask yourself what do I WANT to do? What is more aligned with who I am and what I want in this moment? It may be cleaning that bathroom, or it may be sitting on your patio, in the quiet and just being. Give yourself permission. I did.